MEDICAL PROCEDURES I WOULD RATHER UNDERGO THAN WATCH "PIXELS"

  1. Endoscopy
    Almost certain a live broadcast, verité documentary about my small intestine'd be more compelling cinema.
  2. Gender reassignment
    I don't feel trapped in my body, but I bet I would if I was forced to sit and watch "Pixels."
  3. Trepanning
    Would take less time, have the same effect on my body.
  4. Gratuitous tonsillectomy
    I've already have them removed. Don't care. Would go through the motions again.
  5. Fecal transplant
    This is if you suffer from C-Diff and need the good bacteria that live in poo (but you have C-Diff so your body isn't making any), so you get someone else's poo squished into your butthole. (Kind of like what Sandler's trying to do inside your skull.)
  6. Having my eyes replaced with a loose assemblage of my toenails
    This wouldn't resolve any condition that I know of beyond rendering me incapable of watching "Pixels."