THINGS I'VE HEARD REAL WHITE PEOPLE SAY OVER THE LAST FIVE DAYS

White friends complain they don't have their own slang – words or phrases of their authorship, arrangement, and usage. I assure them they do; it's just the lamest shit in the world.
  1. "It was like, completely delightful."
    Describing past events to other adult human beings.
  2. "Oh my goodness, yes, hello!"
    Answering the phone.
  3. "I'm really warming to that one."
    Discussing cheese preferences at an otherwise unremarkable supermarket.
  4. "Phoebz (pron. "Feebs"), this is my good friend Juniper."
    Introducing a friend to another friend, both of whom seem perfectly at ease with their respective names.
  5. "I'm so tickled right now."
    Expressing amusement.
  6. "This is an appropriate selfie stick situation."
    Walking past a picturesque scene in the park.