THINGS I'VE HEARD REAL WHITE PEOPLE SAY OVER THE LAST FIVE DAYS
White friends complain they don't have their own slang – words or phrases of their authorship, arrangement, and usage. I assure them they do; it's just the lamest shit in the world.
- •"It was like, completely delightful."Describing past events to other adult human beings.
- •"Oh my goodness, yes, hello!"Answering the phone.
- •"I'm really warming to that one."Discussing cheese preferences at an otherwise unremarkable supermarket.
- •"Phoebz (pron. "Feebs"), this is my good friend Juniper."Introducing a friend to another friend, both of whom seem perfectly at ease with their respective names.
- •"I'm so tickled right now."Expressing amusement.
- •"This is an appropriate selfie stick situation."Walking past a picturesque scene in the park.