EPIC COSTUME FAILS
Or: Why I Stick to Fake Mustaches on Halloween
- •Bleach Blonde Itchy Hippie Yoda (1980)Take one scratchy burlap potato sack, one cheap plastic bright blue Yoda mask, one bright blue shower cap with glued-on long white hair (think Edgar Winter), put together on one tall-for-his-age 10 year old boy, and watch the total discomfort in motion
- •Superman vs the Leaf Monster (1979)The underoos and blue tights were spot-on, as were the recently-spray painted red boots; however, when the sticky boots came into contact with the wet fall leaves, the leaves decided to come along for the ride. By the end of trick-or-treating, I looked like I had been attacked by dual leaf piles, hanging on for their dear lives
- •Hollywood Legend Robert Smith (2011)How hard could it be? Tease the hair, slap on copious amounts of red lipstick and dark eye shadow, and "voila": lead singer of The Cure and goth icon Robert Smith. You know who else wore a lot of makeup and was shaped like a defensive tackle in her later years? Elizabeth Taylor, who was a MUCH better match for me on that fateful evening.
- •$5 Whore (1991)A word of advice: if you think it's a good idea to have a friend "make you up" after a full day of partying, at which point both of you are fighting the spins and good judgement... Rethink it. As a blonde with a denim jacket, fishnet stockings and Bozo-inspired makeup, I came off as the total trainwreck I was. Ah, college.
- •Monk Ditka (2009)Fake mustache, cigar, sunglasses, and a brown robe = just plain stupid.