WHAT ITS REALLY LIKE TO BE A MUSICIAN ON TOUR

This list was requested by @gabimoskowitz
  1. 1.
    Being Backstage Stinks
    Everyone wants to get backstage at a concert, but when Im waiting to perform it can feel like being sent to my room while my parents are having a dinner party. I can hear everyone partying out there, but I've got these vocal warmups to finish. Also most backstages at clubs are a cramped closet with 2 black leather couches that you definitely wouldnt want to hit with a blacklight.
  2. 2.
    Fans Dont Know the Difference Between a Groupie and a Roadie
    People are always making jokes about wanting to be my roadie. Roadies work LONG hours, lift heavy things, and dont get paid much. Groupies hang with the band, score blow, flash their backstage pass. You want to be my GROUPIE, not my Roadie
  3. 3.
    The Worst Type of Drunk Fans Are 50+
    Drunk 20-something fans are manageable. They're excited to be out and they are still a little in awe of getting to meet the guy who was just onstage. A drunk 50 year likely doesn't get our much and is already wasted no matter when I run into him. He's there with his wife and is almost never there to see me. He's excited to take a picture with me and send it to his kid to see if she's heard of me. He is not afraid of me and will talk to me about seeing Bruce Springsteen once in the 80s.
  4. 4.
    Everyone Thinks Beer Will Make Me Do Anything
    Even after doing this professionally all these years, people are constantly offering me free beer as a perk. As if I am not capable of buying a beer myself. Or as if I would not rather be paid in money for this gig
  5. 5.
    I'm Amazed EVERY TIME People Actually Show Up to My Concert
    It's truly amazing that people take time out of their day, pay money and come see me perform. It's fantastic.
  6. 6.
    Eating Well is Tough
    Forget about even eating healthy, just trying to have a good meal can be challenging and takes a good portion of my day. Many musicians will eat whatever is available and cheapest, which had lead to artist's food rights being diminished and now its acceptable to offer us chicken tenders before we go to perform at a top level for lots of people
  7. 7.
    The Headliner and the Opening Act Are Probably Not Best Friends
    Sometimes I get to tour with friends but usually I'm opening for someone I don't really know. Or I have an opener who paid to get on the tour. When I'm the opening act, often the only time I'll see the headliner is when he or she is leaving the stage after soundcheck and I'm heading onstage to start mine. Camps usually travel and live separately.
  8. 8.
    90% of The USA Looks the Same
    I'm forever enchanted by how different many parts of the country can feel, both culturally and geographically. Seattle vs NYC vs Austin vs Miami. That being said, most of the time if you kidnapped me and dropped me in a random strip mall, I'd have a really hard time telling you what state I was in. There's a Noodles & Co everywhere you go and Old Navy is never more than 10 miles away. Most downtowns have all the same stores. Most highways have the same flat view of not much.
  9. 9.
    Traveling For A Living is Great
    I take tons of pride in knowing a little something about almost every city in the country. I know where to stay in Des Moines. I know where to eat in Houston. I know to avoid Des Moines and Houston. There are days when I'm about to go on stage in Dubai or Napa Valley and I can't believe I'm getting paid
  10. 10.
    Being On Tour All The Time Makes You an Expert Packer
    I have special suitcases and packing pods and carry-on zips and inflatable lumbar support pads. My band and I geek out over new backpacks or how many pairs of socks someone was able to get into a suitcase pocket. I enter travel supply stores and REI the way I once went to Toys R Us.