THINGS I EXPECTED TO SEE MORE OF AS AN ADULT. ROBOTS, MOSTLY.

  1. Spontaneous Combustion
    I once thought people regularly just went up in a flash of flame and puff of smoke for inexplicable reasons. Still have yet to witness this, thankfully. It also wasn't something I was particularly scared of, despite my understanding that it was a fairly common occurrence in the world.
  2. Robot Butlers
    Thanks for nothing Rocky IV!
  3. Spaghetti Sandwiches
    When I was in the 2nd grade, my Mom told me I would have to start making my own lunches to bring to school. This resulted in a lot of sandwiches that were simply leftovers on wonderbread. My favorite was leftover cold spaghetti and marinara sauce. I just had high hopes that one day I'd be able to order it in restaurants.
  4. Ghosts
    The Ghostbusters won, I guess.
  5. Lamborghini Countaches
    I just figured Sant'Agata Bolognese would keep making them forever. Diablo, Murcielagos & Aventadors, GTFO!
  6. Professional Sports Championships where the best human team plays against the best robot team
  7. Laser Tag Guns that actually shoot visible beams like ray guns
    I once wasted fifteen minutes of my life attempting to knock over an empty can with the laser tag gun I'd gotten for Hannukah.
  8. Mr. T Mohawks as a common haircut
  9. Ralph Marlin Neckties that look like actual fish at the office
    My Dad owned one of these and I thought it was the coolest damn thing in the world.
  10. Shrimp cocktail
    As a kid, I somehow thought shrimp cocktail was the predominant mark of sophistication in adults. I see shrimp cocktail plenty as an adult, sure. But I used to think adults ate it all the time whenever they went out anywhere (dates, business meetings, etc.)
  11. Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Books for adults
    Somehow I expected that grownups would be as excited about this form of fiction as I was.
  12. Hovercrafts
    They go over land and sea. So versatile! Why would anyone buy a car instead of one of these?
  13. Flying Cars
    Ditto. I blame the toys for the cartoon M.A.S.K. for this one.
  14. Money never being an issue because I would be getting paid so much of it