Things I Saw Today, Wednesday May 18, In the Year of Our Lord 2016

Not bad for a Wednesday.
  1. A woman walking a dog that was just shitting while walking
    She then led the dog all the way back to the beginning of the sidewalk and picked it all up. Is this a routine? Is this the only way the dog feels comfortable? I NEED TO KNOW
  2. A rep from Facebook buying 10x the necessary amount of food for a meeting
    The room they put it in transformed into an office restaurant/taco buffet. I am 70% water and the other 30% is just rice and beans now.
  3. A grown man describing how he was guilted into playing guitar in a mega church band for 18 years
  4. A baby wearing sunglasses indoors
    Excuse me, ma'am, but did you Weekend At Bernie's that infant?
  5. A homeless man screaming into a Chanel bag
    I mean, same.
  6. An empty subway seat with a shit handprint
    New York! Golly! What a town!
  7. A VERY old man completely covered in Minions merchandise
    Shirt, hat, backpack, watch. Minions bridges the divide between young and old. Sans eyes, sans teeth, sans everything.
  8. Seven rats