This is my attempt to be writing more. If I don't post 3-5 jokes a day, feel free to sling insults.
  1. Reports claim that drug lord El Chapo will be expedited from Mexico to New York. He's mostly looking forward to experiencing the authentic Mexican food from Trump Towers.
  2. A hospital in Massachusetts performed the first successful penis transplant. The man plans to spend his recovery just dicking around.
  3. The American dairy industry has built a surplus so large that each citizen will need to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year. To encourage Americans, Obama has promised to deliver a Purple Heart with each purchase of a signature medium Dominos pizza, or larger.
    Not to be confused with a clogged heart—which comes free.
  4. In a speech, Donald Trump claims he would meet with North Korea's President, Kim Jong Un. Something tells me that they'd have a lot of issues to comb through.