LATE NIGHT MONOLOGUE JOKES (2/7 - 2/13)

It was a rough week for joke writing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  1. 1.
    Google Facts tweeted that Free Willy died a year after being released into the wild. Or as Socrates would say, Freest Willy.
  2. 2.
    The first non-nude issue of Playboy is themed after Snapchat. In other words, became irrelevant in under five seconds.
  3. 3.
    It was a big week for Beyoncé, who released a new song, announced a world tour, and headlined at a convention for domestic abusers.
  4. 4.
    Jeb Bush received a standing ovation for calling Donald Trump a “loser.” Which felt redemptive, but seemed a little like the pot calling the kettle orange.
  5. 5.
    Mattel recently released a diverse set of Barbies. Their success spurred the release of a new Ken doll prototype: Dad-bod Ken.
  6. 6.
    Everyone gathered around on Sunday to enjoy the Super Bowl. However, after consuming 5 pounds of cheese dip and guacamole, I was also experiencing a Super Bowl on Monday.
  7. 7.
    Sarah Palin claimed Donald Trump “dreads getting caught showing generosity and compassion.” So, there you have it. Trump wants to build a wall so that Mexicans don't see how generous he's being toward them.
  8. 8.
    PornHub announced the launch of their charitable program. It's a great idea, but accountants are worried it will make tax season sticky.