THINGS I'VE DONE TONIGHT TO AVOID WRITING

Two big projects due by Monday. How am I spending my time?
  1. Watching the GOP Debate.
    Live tweeting this should DEFINITELY be a priority.
  2. Refresh my email three times.
    I'm not expecting anything, but who knows...
  3. Take a bunch of selfies like a creep.
    I call this my comedian shirt because I feel like this is my version of something Kramer would wear.
  4. Read the list of names of people who liked this status.
    Refresh multiple more times to see if anyone new clicked.
  5. Wrote some late night jokes, because those are less intimidating.
  6. Considered maybe dropping one of these projects.
  7. Flossed.
    When was the last time I flossed? Last time I had a deadline I was avoiding.
  8. Washed dishes.
  9. Tried to pee.
    Didn't need to. But I tried.
  10. Reread old text messages.
    They're still the same. We haven't merged with an alternate universe yet.