THOUGHTS I HAVE ABOUT MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION
My girlfriend and I made it Facebook official and that marked my coming out for a lot of people, I think. So here are some thoughts I've been having
- •I'm still not sure if I'm gayI definitely like girls. I've identified as bisexual for a while but honestly I'm not sure I'm TRULY into guys. But then I go hey Erika, you've slept with a lot of guys and had feelings for a few, so you must be. But I kinda always felt uncomfortable and I don't even know always if I'm interested in sex or if I'm kinda playing a role. Being with my girlfriend feels so natural and easy and wonderful and I don't know if I feel this way about men. I really don't know.
- •How many times do I have to come out?My brother told me that my dad was surprised, even though I have definitely mentioned being bisexual to him before. I've never been actively closeted but people still seem surprised
- •I'm already sick of guys acting like my girlfriend and I are putting on a show for themWe both love to dance and the most fun thing is to go to a bar and dance to loud music and make out. And then at least once some guy comes up and hits on at least one of us and doesn't seem to understand that we're here together. I know we don't look gay, we're both very typically feminine. But we are not interested in inserting dick into our lives
- •I feel like even my supportive, liberal family is taking my relationship less seriously than they would if I was dating a manThis stinks
- •Dude, men are so bad in bed. SorryDisclaimer: this is not why I'm into girls. But I feel bad for all the straight girls who are never having truly even, collaborative sex where the woman's orgasm and pleasure is just as important as the man's, and the woman actually believes that the man can give it to her. Sorry to be so graphic but I'd usually let a guy go down on me for a few minutes and then be like ok this clearly isn't worth it, let's get you done and this over with
- •I may never be comfortable with the male/female power dynamicThis is probably the biggest reason I won't want to sleep with or date guys in the future, even though I do sometimes find them attractive. And before I started dating women I never realized just how pervasive and oppressive it is. I do think this is culture and not innate nature, probably. Idk this shit is tough
- •I definitely like dating girls betterI've never had this honest of a relationship. I understand her and I feel understood. It's awesome
- •I feel like a hypocrite because I like that my girlfriend is gayLike full-on never had a crush on a guy, never kissed a guy gay. Even though she seems super not bothered by the fact that I've been with lots of guys and that's super cool
- •I'm still not 100% convinced that totally straight girls existI don't know if this is small-minded of me or if it's because I always assumed that all girls wanted to kiss their best friends
- •God damn I am just so into my girlfriendFor years I have been sooo private about my dating and sex life and honestly, often embarrassed. Suddenly I am happy to post pictures of us together and I love holding hands in public.
- •I am fully aware that how I feel now may not be how I feel in the futureI hate to perpetuate the stereotype of the indecisive bisexual, a stereotype I don't agree with, but I know myself and that I change a lot, and I can feel really sure of something and then change my mind completely. I can lose feelings very quickly. But it might be different this time! Maybe I was always faking it before. My only other "real" relationship in the past five years was a guy I met on vacation in Egypt and then long distance dated for a month until I forgot why I ever liked him
- •God I hope I don't hurt herNot really a feeling about my orientation but whatever, this is my list. She is so open and caring and sweet and I am too but I don't trust myself completely. But I am crazy about her, and embarrassed that I'm social media-ing this but I need to put all my thoughts somewhere. I can't wait for us to go to Disneyland and hold hands all day and smooch in the haunted mansion.