CHILDHOOD MISCONCEPTIONS

  1. If I only curled with one arm, I'd become a superhero.
    My catchphrase would be: "You messed with the wrong side, buddy". I'd turn around and sock 'em with my engorged right limb.
  2. You peed in a girl's belly button to make babies.
    I was still closer than those idiots who believed that stork thing.
  3. Good children threw Bibles at their parents to end fights and stave off divorce.
    It worked, after all.
  4. Adults memorized directions like video game cheat codes.
    I used to write "left left left right left right" on the way to the supermarket in case I ever had to go there alone.
  5. Only maniacs flew in planes, ate seafood, listened to classical music, moved houses, red non-fiction, or are dinner after 5pm.
    All of these came from my mother.