TATTOOS I CAN'T PULL OFF

  1. A tribal chest-piece
    My friends swore that I had to read Daniel Quinn. By friends, I mean the the straightedge hardcore kids I had ingratiated myself with. Ishmael sucked worse than a Seth Godin pamphlet and I gave up on my indomitable spirit.
  2. A day of the dead skull
    I spent of lot of high school trying to draw these sonbitches but they always fell apart around the teeth. Much like normal skulls.
  3. A suicide king
    As anyone who knows anything knows, the King of Hearts is the latter-day King of Cups. And as Jodorowsky, erstwhile Dune director and Holy Mountain gold-shitter, will tell you, the King of Cups "obeys the universal will of love. With the experience of age, I've grasped there is no greater wisdom than kindness". I have learned no such lesson and obey the will of Twitter jokes.
  4. A child's face
    There's something perverse in wanting to have a lost a child just to remember her on your arm.
  5. My parents holding hands, wearing angel wings
    My parents are still living and angel wings would clash with their aesthetic. My father is an inveterate polo shirt wearer, frequently embroidered with the logo of a basketball camp he inspired. My mother loves the QVC-chic of factory-made Native American art. Neither pique nor kokopelli looks good with cherub down. Trust me, I work in fashion.
  6. The unbearable lightness of being
    It's too heavy-handed
  7. George W Bush in a vogueing battle