TIMES I KNEW MY MASCULINITY WAS DIFFERENT (ABRIDGED)

  1. 6 years old: My mother tries to detain me from leaving a family dinner. She yells "stop". I launch into a five minute vamp of "Stop in the Name of Love"
  2. 8 years old: A classmate nails me in the back with a rotten tree fruit. His friend crew is upset and confused that I've chosen to spend recess designing ball gowns in my notebook.
  3. 10 years old: A bully uppercuts my balls. I respond in full Nathan Lane: "hot-chi-mama!"
  4. 12 years old: I have too much guilt to look at my friends' nudey-mags. Instead, I develop an addiction to sheer fabric and the Style channel.
  5. 15 years old: I take great pride in how well I can dance in heels. I get all the drag parts in the church improv show.
  6. 17 years old: I join my first knitting circle. I pioneer a two-colored cable. It's gaudy but technical and I love it.
  7. 19 years old: I sew a cheesecake Thundercats costume out of a maternity top and matching briefs. I turn Halloween out.
  8. ...
  9. 28 years old: My girlfriend tells me, in bed, that she's shocked to learn that I'm straight.