A note to the class of 2016

As requested by the lovely @k8zinker
  1. I'm not the first person one would go to for advice, but in my 41 years of existence on this planet, I have had my share of experiences. Therefore, class of 2016, allow me to pass along some words of wisdom. Hopefully, they impart some thoughts for your future. Hopefully.
  2. Never attempt eat anything larger than you.
  3. In the face of Armageddon, even when the moment feels terrible or horrible, never compromise. Never be less than who you are.
  4. Unless you are rich or Batman, hard work always has to come before success. Unless you're actually rich and Batman. Otherwise, keep doing that.
  5. Adapt. Survive. Thrive. Where there is life, there are always options.
  6. Read all the things you can get your hands upon. Except "War and Peace". You can get by with that one.
  7. Be absurd. Silliness is an absolute requirement in order to get through life.
  8. Love. Give your heart to someone. Let it get broken. Don't give up on it. It's worth it.
  9. Anyone that says a successful relationship is a 50/50 partnership either knows nothing of relationships and/or fractions.
  10. Bungee jumping in the nude is not a necessary practice. Neither is nude rappelling. Seriously.
  11. You can't use your tongue to stop a fan. Sorry.
  12. I once ate White Castle sliders. They...did not agree with me. I don't recommend them.
  13. You don't need to drink Fireball whiskey. You really don't.
  14. SEXT often for the absurdity of it.
  15. Be brave and be strong. This world is terrible and, sometimes, full of shit. However, it can be very beautiful.
  16. Drink coffee, because it is wonderful, and proof you can poop just about anywhere.
  17. Marry whomever you love. Be with someone who actually loves you. Never marry for money or obligation. You'll regret it.
  18. Don't drink or smoke weed too much. Literally, everything is in moderation.
  19. Try to live long enough to see all the Stars Wars movies.
  20. Look at art. Watch film and theater. Enrich your mind. Enhance your perspective.
  21. SEXT
  22. Thank you.