HERE'S WHY I'M A MESS, BASED EXCLUSIVELY ON MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN.

Inspired by @Melodie
  1. I'm a Pisces.
  2. According to smarter people than I, here are the traits I possess:
  3. I abuse substances. Not substrates, or sub-strata... substances.
  4. I drink and do drugs.
    Only on Sundays, as our Lord and savior commands.
  5. I'm mysterious. That's because I'm Batman.
  6. I'm artistic...but, in a mysterious way.
  7. I'm a sexy, sensual lover. This is what I've told myself for years.
  8. I am "flighty". I disagree. I hate to fly.
  9. I need a dominant partner to handle me, or I will fall into a pit of self-pity and self-despair.
    Basically, I need a "handler".
  10. I'm extremely loyal. This is absolutely true.
  11. I am elusive. Yes. This is actually 100% true.
    Even I don't know what I'm thinking half the time.
  12. I thrive around hard-to-reach personalities. Yes. That's why I love Virgo people. They keep me highly entertained trying to understand their depths, while I frustrate them and make them laugh with my silly "emotions".
    Thank you, Mom, Dad, Donald, and Aaron.
  13. I'm a: "sucker for flattery"...eh. Yeah. Maybe. 😉