How to Be a Tiger.

  1. Join a local YMCA.
  2. Read many books about auto repair.
  3. Take four pounds of ground round. Add two eggs, salt, Worcestershire sauce, a pinch of garlic, and oregano. Mash up the ingredients into cube-like shapes. Stack the cube-like shapes.
  4. Avoid Placido Domingo.
  5. Go to a four-year university, and major in: "philosophy". Get a double major in: "Growling and jungle survival."
  6. Start on Summerfield Road. Proceed east on Summerfield until you reach Arby's on Mission. Buy all the Horsey Sauce you can afford. Drive west to the lake. Avoid bears.
  7. Wear orange.