How to Be Erik in Multiple Steps.

Inspired by @biz
  1. Wake up.
  2. Turn on the kettle for coffee.
  3. Feed Twilly. Listen to her yell and complain about the lack of enthusiasm in the service.
  4. Read e-mails.
  5. Read Facebook, Twitter, List-App.
  6. Listen to Twilly complain about the lack of gravy in the breakfast.
  7. Listen for the kettle to whistle.
  8. Make the coffee.
  9. Drink the coffee.
  10. Answer the business line.
  11. Run away from barking Twilly, Moony, and Froggy who are either a. still complaining about the service and/or gravy; b. see deer ninjas in the yard; c. flying into hysterical panic over nothing, but better bark anyway just to make sure.
  12. Get ready for work.
  13. Hop in car. Drive to work.
  14. Return home in panic over whether I left the stove on.
  15. Leave for work.
  16. Return home in frustration and panic after forgetting briefcase, and to let dogs inside.
  17. Do head count of dogs: Moony? Check. Froggy? Check. Twilly? Under bed. Check. Briefcase? Check. Keys? Check. Wallet? Check. Coffee? Check. Iron off? Check. Doors locked? Check.
  18. Leave for work.
  19. Arrive at work. Listen to updates about clients.
  20. Go to desk. Turn on stuff.
  21. Read e-mails.
  22. Answer phones.
  23. Yell: "Dammit! That's unacceptable!" occasionally.
  24. Research case law.
  25. Scan documents.
  26. Fight the network server.
  27. Check the mail.
  28. Watch desk pile get higher.
  29. Update books. Write checks.
  30. Eat something.
  31. Walk around.
  32. Go outside.
  33. Get some coffee.
  34. When it's 6:00 p.m., get in car.
  35. Fight traffic home.
  36. Walk in back door. Listen to Twilly yell at me about the lack of dinner, service, and gravy.
  37. Feed everyone.
  38. Go throughout house to see what Moony has eaten or dragged out into the living room.
  39. Get punched in balls by hyper Moony.
  40. Get up from agonizing pain, and grab leashes.
  41. Walk everyone around lake. Hope that 3.5 miles will calm everyone down.
  42. Get home. Get punched in balls by Moony again. Get yelled at by Twilly for the lack of service, lack of second and third treats, gravy, stupid brothers, lazy Daddy, etc.
  43. Sit down. Get licked in face by Froggy.
  44. Try to read something. Get smacked around by Moony as part of his: "anti-literacy" campaign.
  45. Let dogs out.
  46. Let them inside 20 seconds later.
  47. Let Twilly out.
  48. Move Moony away from the door so that Twilly will come inside.
  49. Coax Twilly with treats and assurances that she will not be harassed by her brothers.
  50. Sit down.
  51. Get up and let out the other dogs.
  52. Let them back in.
  53. Watch some T.V.
  54. Turn on close-captioning to "read" the television, as all the dogs begin to bark at various people, deer ninjas, assassins, ghosts, monsters for the next three hours.
  55. Put Moony to bed.
  56. Go to bed.
  57. Wake at 3:30 a.m. to let out Twilly and Froggy, who forgot to use the bathroom when they were being let out fifty times between coming home and bedtime.
  58. Pray for sleep and/or dogs with opposable thumbs that can use a toilet.
  59. Wash, rinse, repeat.
  60. Oh, and sprinkle SEXTs in there throughout the day.