How to Tell if I've Been Drinking.

  1. I yell.
  2. My voice gets inexplicably, yet obviously, louder.
  3. I make outlandish remarks, like: "I am the king of Denmark. Now bow to me, or be shanted." This is a made-up nonsense word, combining "banished" and "slanted" together to make an equally nonsensical word.
  4. I declare I am the "mayor" of the "boom boom room"
  5. I write shitty songs.
  6. I write equally shitty poems.
  7. I fight video games.
  8. I fall asleep mid/sentence.