How to Win Your Upcoming Rap Battle

  1. Start small. Pick on other people's moms in haiku form.
  2. Gradually, incorporate hand puppets.
  3. Move rhythmically to the beat. Chew gum the whole time.
  4. Shriek like a barn owl at your opponent.
  5. Remember to use plenty of homonyms.
  6. For extra points, use the following words: "mis-en-scene", "Walla Walla", "disenfranchised", "Mookie Blaylock"
  7. Jump up and down a lot.
  8. Distract your opponent by releasing pigeons in linguistic patterns resembling iambic pentameter.
  9. If all else fails: SEXT a lot.