How to Write Christmas Erotic Fan Fiction

  1. Set your scene correctly.
  2. Use paper.
  3. Avoid using other holidays, such as "Bastille Day" or "Boxing Day".
  4. Keep it sexy.
  5. Don't giggle.
  6. Drink heavily to maintain your lust.
  7. Use descriptive phrases rather than just plain old smutty language. For example, rather than writing: "She grabbed Frosty's icy honker.", you should substitute with: "She caressed Frosty's love icicle."
  8. No snickering.
  9. Keep a thesaurus handy for necessary synonyms for "boner".
  10. Avoid the temptation to just: "dial it in" and get to the sex. Remember: good Christmas erotic fan fiction stories are those that smolder...like a cup of mulled wine by the fire.
  11. Be creative. Personifying snowflakes into deeply developed, well crafted characters and having them bone on a sleigh ride is just part of the experience.