WHY I LIKE TO USE THE OXFORD COMMA

Thanks for the suggestion, @ChrisK, but I don't just like to use the Oxford Comma--I will defend it to my death (which is unfortunate, since I am the proofreader for a newspaper whose style guide is staunchly anti)! Hopefully this list will put some of the comma drama to rest. But let's be honest, it might just make it worse.
  1. Commas are like turn signals. They tell the reader which direction the sentence is going, increase clarity, and take very little effort to use.
    Hating Oxford commas is like refusing to use your signal when you are in a right or left turn lane. Yes, other drivers can still decipher your intentions, but why? Give your finger a little flick just to be safe!
  2. Commas indicate verbal pauses.
    I am a control freak when I write, and I want the reader to hear each sentence in their head as I do. Also, lists that don't employ the Oxford comma make me uncomfortable, because here I am reading at a nice leisurely pace, when all of a sudden I have to rush through the last two items on a list with no verbal pauses.
  3. I have deep anxiety about the possibility that people might misunderstand my meaning and feel the compulsive need to clarify my wording in conversation.
    This is the root of all my strange grammar hang ups, but mostly it's the root of my deep passionate love affair with commas.
  4. I went to the store with my parents, George and Monica.
    DID I GO TO THE STORE WITH TWO PEOPLE OR FOUR!?