JOBS I WISH WERE REAL SO I COULD DO THEM

  1. 1.
    Sally Hansen Nail Products Ambassador
    Basically I'd just promote SH which I do anyway but I'd get paid
  2. 2.
    Roswell Museum Curator
    Presumably this does exist but basically when I went to the Roswell Museum in New Mexico I was disappointed in it and wanted it to be MORE kitsch-tastic.
  3. 3.
    TV Watcher
    My normal life but I somehow get paid for it. Just to watch TV, not write about it.
  4. 4.
    TV Watching Companion
    My BFF and I often discuss setting up a business where we accompany lonely people while they watch TV and make color commentary. Downsides would be murder.
  5. 5.
    90s Nostalgia Promoter
    Something I'm committed to anyway but with a lot more mall tours announcing my presence.