THE MONDAY-IST MONDAY EVER

  1. Woke with a stabbing pain in my side, hard to breath unless I slouch (very attractive)
  2. Calling Kaiser was actual hell and I had to call back approx 5 times
  3. This all took place before I went to the dentist
  4. The dentist did the usual check up
  5. And then the receptionist told me how much everything was gonna cost
  6. I wept openly
  7. It wasn't even 9am yet!
  8. I got behind every driver who decided to go 10mph
    They were trying to break me
  9. Now I'm at the doctor and TV is playing ads with actual kazoo sounds
    Not "kazoo music" - I refuse to call it music
  10. Now I'm going to go seek childlike wonder and scrape my heart of this black gunk
  11. Ready for a new tomorrow 💫
  12. But for real the noise coming from this doctors office tv might be the end of me 🆘