1. 1.
    Female Ejaculation and the Food Court
    He was writing a book called "Fifty Shades of Spray" about female ejaculation and for our fourth and final date we went to a food court and shoe shopping.
  2. 2.
    B.O. and Self-Inked
    He had body odor and told me about his tattoos, one if which he gave himself while drunk at a funeral. At the end he told me it wasn't going to work it because he's only attracted to girls who are attracted to him a lot and I didn't qualify.
  3. 3.
    Bird Fed Margaritas and Kissing
    He was my Lyft driver, and during our date he kept feeding me food by hand and making out with me mid-meal and eventually he took a sip of his margarita and tried to pass it to me during a kiss...twice.
  4. 4.
    Interview and Beer
    The date felt more like a job interview and there was no chemistry, but despite this I went to his house to taste his home brewed beer. Once I got there I was convinced he was either going to 1) poison me 2) attack me. When I left he walked me to my car and kissed me. Still no chemistry.
  5. 5.
    Good Will and Cartoon Voices
    This is going to sound cute and maybe not weird at first, but we went to goodwill to find stuff to make puppets for his niece and then he talked in cartoon voices and asked me if I had any good cartoon voices but I was so unattracted to him that I felt trapped and couldn't wait for him to leave.