RIDICULOUS THINGS THAT HAVE OUTRAGED MY DAD

He's like Donald Duck if you remove the sailor uniform and feathers but keep the seething rage.
  1. Outdoor lighting
    When my mom said we did not need to install string lights in the patio -while- we had guests over, my dad decided "You have no standards, Deidre."
  2. Coffee cup lids
    One morning my dad couldn't find the lid to his favorite (free) to-go coffee cup. He furiously searched through the cabinet, and when it was still missing he declared "This is a malicious act!!!" Turns out he misplaced it because no, my family does not get some sick amusement from hiding Tupperware.
  3. My dog being a domesticated animal
    My dog has to come inside at night because it gets cold. Apparently an animals becomes "needy" when it is not entirely self-sufficient. One night the dog wanted in so he tapped the door with his paw. My dad: "He's in! He's out! He wants a bone!" Apparently needing food, water, and shelter is outrageous.
  4. Noise
    If we drop anything and it dares to make a sound: "settle down!!!"