s.s.b.

Secret Single Behavior. Phrase coined by Carrie Bradshaw.
  1. Interpretive dancing to the Frozen soundtrack.
  2. Making myself a snack of bread, cheese, and honey on a wooden cutting board while reading fantasy novels because that's the kind of food the characters always eat.
  3. Putting on red lipstick. Then taking it off.
  4. Wandering around my apartment looking at my things as though through the eyes of a stranger.
  5. Googling, "Betty and Veronica, porn." Then, "Why do people have sexual fetishes?" Then, "Hair breakage." Then, "Bedbugs."
  6. Watching Pitch Perfect. Over and over.
  7. Lying naked on my bed in a sun patch so my vagina can get some vitamin D.
  8. Deleting all my social media and feeling great. Then putting it all back on and feeling terrible.
  9. Letting trash pile up next to the garbage. Taking off a sweater as I get home and tossing it on the floor. Kicking a spilled vitamin under the fridge instead of picking it up. Thinking, why don't I try to live nicely for me?
  10. Texting everyone I'm friends with "Hi, I like you," or "❤️❤️❤️" and then waiting.
  11. Sitting and thinking about going out until it's too late.
  12. Going on Craigslist to look for a new apartment. Getting so anxious at high rents plus prospect of having to call strangers that I give up and put on Harry Potter. Again.