THINGS I THINK ABOUT WHEN PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING BEHIND ME

  1. I can't feel a breeze, but my buttcrack must be showing for sure
  2. They know about my muffin top
  3. My hair must be sticking straight up. When was the last time someone rubbed a balloon on it?
  4. (If cajolers are younger than me) damn where did they learn how to be cooler than me?