Things Your Couch Would Say to You if It Could Talk

I use to spend a lot of time with my couch, not so much anymore. I've recently got a life.
  1. Just come over here and sit on me for a minute
  2. I feel we have grown apart
  3. It's use to be just the two of us
  4. I accept you, showered or not.
  5. There was no need to look nice when you hung out with me.
  6. Dinner was always on me. It's ok. Even when you spilled it.
  7. You could reach deep down inside and actually find something in me. Like those three month old m & m's.
  8. After everything we've been through. I'm not one to judge. But that dude. He's not welcome here again.
  9. Why don't you grab your friend, Blanky, and we'll have a threesome.
  10. Just like old times.
  11. I call bottom.