When I was in middle school I memorized the fear mantra from Dune. It helped a little, but I still harbor too many everyday fears.
  1. Bugs coming out of my walls or skin. Especially if they’re being born.
  2. I am living an alternate reality version of the life I’m supposed to be living. I made some error years ago and it sent me on this wrong path, where I have bangs.
  3. I am unknowingly wanted by the government, and they’re just taking their time before they nab me.
  4. At this point it is more likely that I will become Mayor of Raccoontown than have a successful long-term relationship.
  5. The reason I can't make an LTR work is because I don't really want one, because I ran out of the ability to love.
  6. Foxholes. Oh Jesus, FOXHOLES.
  7. I will be arrested by an LA cop for being too fat in public. (City ordinance 23.7a)
  8. My whole family is going to get their legs ripped off or just get applesauce brains and I'll have to say goodbye to my life to take care of them.
  9. I will contract some kind of "vaginal rot" from public bathrooms, and the only cure will be wearing a huge cone around my neck that says "VAGINAL ROT."
  10. Everyone else knows something I don’t know.
  11. Rats coming out of the toilet.
  12. People who find out how much I love them are embarrassed for me.