How to Properly Describe a Thai Cobb Salad on a Menu*

*please note this list is for baseball and/or history nerds and almost no one else.
  1. “The Georgia Peach” of salads.
  2. Created or equaled more major league records than any other salad.
  3. This salad might be horribly racist and violent, but its definitely tasty!
  4. Still holds the records for highest career batting average and most crispy noodle bits.
  5. Watch out! This salad punches minorities in the face with an unbridled rage that might easily turn homicidal.
  6. This salad’s father never got to see it play, since it was murdered by it’s mother – so it’s got something to prove to YOU. Yum!
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    If you don't write anything like this – or WORSE, if a waiter comes to take my order and I say “Haha, I guess I gotta get the Thai Cobb Salad – it’s in the hall of fame, right?” and he looks at me like I just said “Meow meow meow Cookiepuss!!” Well, then fuck your restaurant.