How to Tell a Friend You Are in Love With Him

It is really scary to tell someone you're in love with them, but so worth it!
  1. Put on something cute.
    Casual but flattering dress is best. Cool jeans and a top also works.
  2. Think really great things about yourself
    You're not telling him something bad! Being loved by you is rad, because you're rad, so make sure you put yourself in that headspace. Dance around in front of the mirror some! Unless that makes you feel like a sad nerd.
  3. Meet him somewhere you look impressive
    Karaoke is great. Or a bar where you know the bartender from karaoke. Or a party where people are like "did you know Eliza can sing?" Guys love being impressed by skill greater than their own - it's a real boner beefer.
  4. Hang out, have fun
    You are a dope, fun chick. He loves being around you! Remind him by being chill and super funny. Like SO funny. In a way most women aren't. In a way none of the women he is ever - or will ever be - attracted to are.
  5. Tell him
    Be casual, but direct. Look, this is simple - you guys like each other, he's probably shy about it but it's clear what a great fit you are. This is a good thing you're telling him! You don't have to say "love" you can say "attracted to" or "really attracted to" or "want to be with you all the time because that's when I feel most myself, and...calm? But also thrilled? Like breathing autumn air. You're magic." Like, FIND YOUR OWN PHRASING.
  6. Listen
    Let him respond, and try to stay laid back and loosey goosey about it. Note the sadness in his eyes when he says he "does REALLY like you" and that your friendship is "so important." Pay special attention when he says that you "have your shit together too much" for him and that he would "definitely disappoint you," because this is the tape that will be playing in your head over and over until the next time someone says it to you.
  7. Be cool
    Now, use every interaction to prove how much you still like him, but ONLY as a friend. High five a lot. Too much. If you can remove your heart and tits do it.
  8. Send a card when he marries a sports bar waitress in a year.
  9. Repeat every 4 years with someone new
  10. Develop a skin so thick it is virtually impenetrable
  11. Start chewing glass and nails because, curiously, nothing can hurt you anymore
  12. Note your skin getting a metallic sheen as your career improves
  13. Without a need to eat or sleep, you can get so much more done. Yes, you need to replenish your energy reserves regularly. But you find that sitting on a car battery while you listen to a podcast once a week takes care of that.
  14. Grow lasers in your eyes. Install sub-dermal control panels that only you can access. Get a title and pay bump at work.
  15. Congrats. You did it, girl!