Stuff I Saw in the Woods

I spent the weekend in the woods. Here's some stuff I saw.
  1. A bunch of lizards with no tails.
    They looked fat. Tails are the stilettos of lizards.
  2. One lizard with a tail.
    I bet the other lizards hate him. I just hope he didn't steal their tails. Or bully them about it, and call them lil fatties. Although, if that was the way he bullied them it would be pretty cute.
  3. Garbage
    Human garbage, not tree garbage. I guess tree garbage is just leaves though, so if you think of it that way garbage isn't so bad. Also there wasn't too much of it - so good job, woods people!
  4. My friend Julian
    I was expecting that, I knew he was there, so no big deal. How weird would it be if I didn't though - if you were wandering in the woods and saw some friend unexpectedly? I'd have to assume that was some Under The Skin/bodysnatchers alien shit. So if you are my friend and you surprise me in the woods, I am sorry if I throw something at you and run. You should have warned me.
  5. Trees
    Trees in the woods seem so much happier than ones in the city. They get to grow all twisty and really "do their thing". Trees in the woods are like post-menopausal women.
  6. A dead body
    Nah, I wish! What's the woods without a dead body, right?