Things Dudes Have Said To/about Me at Comedy Shows

I suppose I should note that I am a comic, and a woman.
  1. "Eliza Skinner, everyone! I think we can all smell her pussy"
    This was after my set and in reference to a joke I do about a talking dog, but it still felt so jarring and gross the whole audience was like "NOPE. G'BYE DUDE."
  2. "Do you date other comics? I don't. I don't need my girlfriend to be funny, you know? I like that she just laughs."
    This was super depressing, because ugh. But it was also kind of interesting because he was expecting me to have the same feelings about dudes that I date that he does about women he dates, since we're both comics.
  3. "This next gal is the love of my life, Eliza Skinner!"
    I feel like should hate this but I don't. I love it. Gender politics are kooky, folks!
  4. "This next comic is a GIRL. And she's HOT. YEAH! Give it up for Eliza Skinner"
    This one however, blech. Yuck dude, you sound like a creepy grandpa.
  5. "I like you better when you're not talking."
    From a headliner. When these dudes say stuff like this that is supposed to intimidate or neg me, it just sounds so pathetic and weak. The wailings of an old man baby.
  6. "Hey - a girl got mad at me at a show because I said _________. What do you think?"
    This has happened a bunch of times, and it has led to many funny, frustrating, bickering, enlightening conversations for both parties. Do I speak for all women? No. But I like that comics walk away and really think about what they are saying and how their ideas are coming across. Cool stuff.
  7. "Have you heard of musical improv? They offer classes."
    A dude earnestly asked me this AFTER I got a standing ovation from a sold out crowd, doing musical improv at a comedy club. Also, I have taught musical improv for the UCB for 10 years. I don't know what the fuck he thought I was doing on stage. I hate to assume intentions, but - baby no need you, daddy.
  8. "You don't look like a comic,"
    Well you don't sound like one, so who gives a fuck what you think?
  9. "Oh my god that is so fucking funny!" Also: "Hey, are you ok?"
    Because I'm a comic, most of my friends are comedy dudes, and they light up my little life. I am sad that to many people the image of "male comedian" is a loudmouth jerk - and not the squishy, sensitive, strong, smart, weirdos I roll with.