Things to Hide Before You Let a New Guy See Your Apartment

  1. The self affirmation sticky notes.
    Who are you, Bridget Jones?? Ugh, barf city. Definitely hide that shit. Mental note - later make a self affirmation sticky note about being gentle with yourself and not calling your healing process "barf city."
  2. That book your mom gave you for Christmas about rape legislation.
    Replace it with something about... boners being chill I guess?
  3. All those packets of horsey sauce.
    YOU ARE A MONSTER. Oh great - make another sticky note.
  4. Pile of unpaid bills.
    Or just put a little sign on top that says "for daddy 2 pay 💜"
  5. The towering pile of sneakers.
    It definitely smells worse than you think.
  6. Litter box.
    Same deal. While you're at it, reposition furniture to address that one cat puke stain.
  7. All those packets of Del Taco hot sauce
    COME ON!!! WHY DO YOU NEED SO MANY SAUCE PACKETS??? Either you like them or you don't! They aren't currency!
  8. Clumps of hair that you have pulled out of your hairbrush and rolled into balls.
    You are literally the ONLY person who thinks that is ok.