I read @ArielSheeps best muppet boyfriends list and I just have to respectfully disagree, so I made my own list.
  1. Rowlf
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    Are you a piano? No? Good luck.
  2. Kermit the Frog
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    Look - if he's an asshole to his ex, chances are he's going to treat you the same way. Kermit was with Piggy for years, but always acted like he was DISGUSTED by her. Just leave then, frog! Kermit is the kind of dude who always "forgets" to introduce you to his pals, and when he does he calls you his "friend".
  3. Fozzie
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    We all love Fozzie. Fozzie is a great bear! Great heart on that one. But if you don't want to spend hours hanging out at open mics and trying to talk him off a ledge when he doesn't get New Faces again you should find a bear who's a better fucking comic.
  4. Swedish Chef
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    WHAT IS THIS DUDE SAYING? The gobbledygook that comes out of his mouth is almost as confusing as that "sorry, I just don't know what's up with me right now" shit. You want to be in a relationship? Learn how to communicate. Also his hands are monstrosities - you want those inside you? No thunks.
  5. Gonzo
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    Are you a chicken? No? Good luck.
  6. Animal
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    I mean, do I even have to say it? Fuck him, but DO NOT DATE HIM. Like,we all know that right? This dude will take a shit on your roommate's bed FOR SHOR.