THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH MY CAR, VIOLET BEAUREGARD

My car's name is Violet Beauregard and that's the only thing about her that works.
  1. Her driver's side floor floods every time it rains
  2. Her sunroof won't close
  3. Her left window makes a screeching sound every time it rolls down
  4. She smells. Like, the whole car smells
  5. The knobs for her radio are all torn off
  6. She makes a snap crackle pop sound every time you turn left
  7. There is no windshield wiper fluid nor is there a way to replace the windshield wiper fluid
  8. She beeps at me every time I turn the car on because there is no windshield wiper fluid
  9. Her check brake pads light is on
  10. Her check engine light is on
  11. Her check windshield wiper fluid light is on (obviously)
  12. Her thermometer is 10 degrees off
  13. Her trunk will only open by the remote key, not the actual button in the car
  14. Her tires are always flat
  15. She gobbles up gas like a little greedy fat blueberry girl
    Note: this has always been true