Terrible Potential Plot Points for Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Ever since I saw the first trailer for the new film I've been having nightmares about its content. What if it's terrible? How will I survive with a new hope for the future, if any of the following turn out to be moments from the movie?
- •Kylo Ren's full name is Kylo Jenner Renandstimpy
- •There is no weird bar or palace or place where we can see a lot of weird characters at the same time, preferably drinking and in some sort of a band.
- •Princess Leia has no actual purpose in the film, just gets hugged and screams a lot.
- •There's another Death Star with the same design flaw that needs a shot that was supposed to be one in a million.
- •Chewbacca dies.
- •The Millennium Falcon explodes.
- •Toschi station is out of power converters.
- •There's a political plot that I can't understand until I suddenly realize it's an analogy for the Middle East conflict. I paid for escapism, dammit!
- •CGI characters play on offensive racial stereotypes.
- •Han Solo has to go back into the Sarlaac to retrieve Boba Fett's armor, because it contains some sort of microchip or midichlorian or something like that, and while he's there, Jabba the Hutt freezes him in Carbonite again.
- •It turns out that it is all a dream, experienced by R2-D2, who has been hallucinating in a droid coma ever since he and C3PO crashed on Tattooine at the beginning of A New Hope.