Things I Believed in Yeshiva High School (Influenced More by John Hughes Movies Than by Judaism)

I went to yeshiva day school, and watched a lot of teen movies growing up. This was a recipe for disaster. I believed...
  1. That putting an anonymous note in someone's locker was a good way to get them to fall in love with you. What it actually is, is a way to get everybody in the class talking about the note and speculating about who wrote it. #themoreyouknow
  2. That the captain of the basketball team was definitely looking at me, even though I was a four eyed nerd. He was a senior, and taken, and hot. We called him "Jake Ryan."
  3. That blue eyeshadow was a good idea for a 16-year-old. It was the 80s, what do you want from me?
  4. That, in The Breakfast Club, they were smoking regular cigarettes. I had never smoked pot or had a regular cigarette, so how would I know?
  5. That I'd never be as good as the popular mean girls. I turned out mostly okay but there's probably a part of me that still believes this.
  6. That I deserved a much better role in the play than I got. We did One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and I was cast as the drunk guard. I had never had a drink before, so we used flat cream soda and I did spit takes. It didn't get me any dates.
  7. That prom was magic. I had a secret underground prom. I asked a friend of mine to go with me, and he agreed on the condition that I understood that there would be no romance. Some lessons you learn early.
  8. That whatever else I had or didn't have going for me, I had my writing. Some lessons you learn early. :-)