Socially awkward things I can't stop doing

  1. Saying "Hi, how are you?" at the same time as the person I'm addressing, so then we both have to either say "good" at the same time or have a Mexican stand off (is that still a socially accepted term?) until one of us says good
  2. Waitress: "Enjoy your meal!" Me: "You too!"
  3. Movie theater employee: "Enjoy the show!" Me: "You too!"
  4. Not realizing that I'm verbally announcing my inner monologue quietly to myself while I'm walking past someone and then realizing, after passing them, that I looked like an insane person.
  5. Walking past someone and seemingly going out of my way to walk head on to them and then trying to side step past them but then we both walk in the same direction so then we have to stop walking and adjust what direction we're walking in and it's all my fault bc I don't know how to walk
  6. Walking with a row of people and somehow always getting pushed out of the row and awkwardly walking behind the squad
  7. Walking with a row of people on the left or right end of the row and somehow always getting pushed off the sidewalk so I'm now walking in the grass
  8. Talking faster than the speed that I can think so that I start studdering
  9. Farting when I'm in a room alone and then somebody walks in .4 seconds after