THINGS I LERANED WHILE DRUNK LAST NIGHT

  1. If your friend can get you that british man, you will go to that british man.
    He will not be the best kisser (#3 maybe) but you will never forget those big ass arms that wrapped you up.
  2. When your high school crush texts you out of the fcking blue, don't ask why and don't say 'I don't get it'.
    You kinda deserve it. Even if it's the day after and you're still talking and you still don't get it. Stop.
  3. Don't ask your friends for a cigarrette. They will give it to you.
    Especially not when you'd been 4 months clean. Even if it feels like you never stopped. That's not something good.
  4. Don't masturbate while drunk.
    Your clit (which you apparently tried to rip off or something) will thank you in the morning.
  5. If you hear your sister crying through the wall, you will sober up.
    You will, trust me.