I'M (MILDLY) EMBARRASSED TO BE AN EXPERT ON...

  1. The Advanced Dungeons and Dragons alignment system
  2. Completing Donkey Kong's first level without losing a guy
  3. Whistling in a way that is audible but not visibly apparent
  4. Making fart noises with the palms of my hands
  5. The lyrics to every Wierd Al Yankovic song from 1984 through 1987
  6. Playing "Oh, Suzanna" on harmonica
    Plus jaw harp.
  7. Excellent imitation of the "narrator" to "Gauntlet."
    "Blue Valkyrie, your life force is running out."
  8. Inventing a great system for organizing socks and underwear
  9. Pushing punctuality to the last second