SPECIAL SKILLS

Can I put these on my resumé?
  1. Putting together IKEA furniture correctly the first time.
    Tips: look at the goddamn diagrams CLOSELY, have Grey's Anatomy on in the background to remind yourself that putting together furniture is not, in fact, brain surgery.
  2. Messing up cooking the same dish my boyfriend cooks, despite doing everything exactly the same way he does it.
    Perhaps he's a wizard.
  3. Driving in inclement weather.
    Apparently a rare skill for Southern Californians.
  4. Guessing what's going to happen in a movie/television show.
    I spoiled The Force Awakens for myself but was also very pleased that I had guessed correctly.
  5. Never making anyone feel like their question is stupid.
    Just smile and answer. Don't be a dick.
  6. Accidentally eating a very large amount of food because I wasn't paying attention.
    Those Doritos never stood a chance.
  7. Reading several books at once.
    I don't mix the stories up. I finish books in anywhere from a few hours to like, years.