THINGS I SAID TO MYSELF AND OTHERS WHEN I LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF MY HOUSE

  1. "I need to take out the garbage."
  2. "Don't want to let any flies in the house!"
  3. "Is the door unlocked?"
  4. "Yep!"
  5. "I'm being so clean. This is great!"
  6. "WHY THE FUCK IS MY DOOR NOT UNLOCKED"
  7. "IT IS 10 PM AND I AM NOT IN MY HOUSE"
  8. "THERE IS NO SPARE KEY AND I MUST CALL MY LANDLORD"
  9. "I DO NOT HAVE MY FUCKING PHONE"
  10. "Maybe my neighbors are home"
  11. "MY NEIGHBORS ARE NOT HOME OR NOT RESPONDING"
    What assholes
  12. "Maybe I can break into my house"
  13. "Not through this window"
  14. "Not through that window"
  15. "I CANNOT BREAK INTO MY HOME"
  16. "Fuck fuck fuck"
  17. "Hey that house across the street has their lights on"
  18. "HELLO MY NAME IS EMILY I AM SORRY IT IS LATE I LIVE OVER THERE DO YOU HAVE A PHONE AND A PHONE BOOK I LOCKED MYSELF OUT AND I AM NERVOUS"
  19. "THANK YOU SO MUCH I LIKE YOUR DOGS THEY ARE FRIENDLY"
  20. "I have found her phone number, one moment, please"
  21. "HI KATHY IT IS EMILY I MESSED UP PLEASE HELP ME"
  22. "WOW THANK YOU SO MUCH I AM SO SORRY"
  23. "THANK YOU EVERYONE, I WILL BAKE YOU SOME COOKIES"
  24. "I will just stand in front of my home and wait for my very nice landlord"
  25. "I will sing Hamilton for 15 minutes until she arrives"
  26. "She is here this is not a fucking drill"
  27. "KATHY HELLO WONDERFUL I WILL MAKE MY OWN SPARE KEY AND I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU"
  28. "ALSO HERE IS NEXT MONTHS RENT"
  29. "I am in my home"
  30. "I am never leaving again"