10 Ways to Mess Up a New Home

Getting the keys to my first condo tomorrow, made this list to make sure I've got everything covered and there are no surprises
  1. 1.
    walking around with muddy football (soccer for one nation) cleats
  2. 2.
    FaceTime with that one disgruntled relative the minute you walk in
  3. 3.
    Orgy that you're not invited to (drunken, not sober)
  4. 4.
    Kid's first birthday complete with smash cake and no plastic sheets
  5. 5.
    Permanent markers on the walls when you thought you bought the dry-erase ones
  6. 6.
    Discovering that week-old diaper an hour too late
  7. 7.
    Inviting assholes to the house-warming
  8. 8.
    Furniture with the descriptive detail of a Thomas Hardy novel
  9. 9.
    Throwing a rock through the window to make sure the security system is in check
  10. 10.
    New home with the old baggage