In the spirit of "things guys and girls pretend to like" @mindy @bjnovak Here is a list of what dogs really think
  1. Fetching toys
    It's kinda boring, but you look so happy when I bring it back. I'll do it for a while but don't push it. It's really fucking boring.
  2. Sitting and rolling over and shaking hands. Cmon, I ain't that dumb. Big deal. (See "fetching toys")
  3. Unconditional Love
    Sorry to break this to you, but I'd love anyone who fed me, put a roof over my head and constantly told me I was a good boy. Face it, You're just not that special, but you are devoted. And I like that in humans.
  4. Don't judge me
    Sure, I sniff butts and eat garbage, but I've seen you two in the bedroom 🙊 And the crap you eat isn't any better than my garbage snacks.
  5. I Only Pretend that You Own Me: As we both know, it is you who are owned - by me. You are my bitch - 24/7.
    Suggested by @Madison