Weird Things My Roommate Has Said
Of course I write this shit down. Like you wouldn't?
- •"I gotta go pee before I experience the feels"
- •"I'll be there in two shakes of a dick"
- •"I always wake up with mad whale tail. Whale tail so hard"
- •"I took a sip of latte and then a sip of pink lemonade. It tasted like butthole. What happened??!"
- •"Kiefer Sutherland...sounds like quiche...quiche Sutherland...QUEEFER SUTHERLAND"
- •"Wow I have so much gas. It's gonna be a fun night. I might step out of the room a few times. I'm doing it to spare you, I'm a polite bitch. You have to be polite when you're from the south!"
- •"I could never be a surgeon...they have to be way too fucking good at sewing."
- •"New aesthetic: demoness"
- •"I don't show affection until I'm completely certain that it will be received well. And then it just flows out of me like diarrhea."
- •(After taking off purple lipstick with coconut oil) "I look like I ate out a grape"
- •"Yeah, a lot of babies have acid reflux. I had jaundice"
- •"You gotta call old people back, ya know? You never know when god's gonna take 'em. I'm an asshole"