TOP 10 REASONS I MISS PRISON

Apparently I need maximum security to feel minimally safe.
  1. 1.
    No email
  2. 2.
    No incoming calls
  3. 3.
    When it's all you got, Top Ramen tastes like Nobu
  4. 4.
    Binge reading Harry Potter/Dostoyevsky/The Dictionary
  5. 5.
    Having a legitimate reason to be insufferably morose
  6. 6.
    Yarn
  7. 7.
    Liquid eyeliner tattoos
  8. 8.
    Pretending I wouldn't be spending my weekends in sweats if I had a choice
  9. 9.
    Getting my laundry done for a box of Zebra Cakes and a pack of mackerel
  10. 10.
    Feeling held