THINGS THAT MATTER

A list of my most intense emotions
  1. Shameless story topper: reasons my McDonald's order was more embarrassing than yours last weekend
  2. 10 things I hate about you: no really, I hate you
  3. Childhood trauma: the amount of therapy yours will need if you don't stop his screeching 5 minutes ago
  4. Slow walkers: if you're going to crawl in front of me, I won't feel bad for shoving you out of the way even if I get stopped at the crosswalk
  5. Misnomers: it's not a hoverboard if it has wheels that touch the ground