I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM LIST APP FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS

This is what's been going on with me. I didn't expect to rant this much, but here we are.
  1. I have been away from most social media for quite some time.
  2. It was a semi-conscious decision, because I was feeling like I was floundering in my real life, and needed to focus on school.
  3. But the thing is, all I've been doing is replacing it with watching Grey's Anatomy.
  4. I'm on season 11 you guys. I don't know that I've ever stuck with a show this long. I'm either really invested or really depressed.
  5. So, here's a list about all the things that have happened in the past month and a bit.
  6. I did my Labour & Delivery placement which ended up sucking so hard.
  7. I was SO PUMPED for this placement. It's the hospital where we see more culturally diverse patients, people who live with lower income, generally marginalized people (in a veritable sea of white people - Alberta, man), and as someone who wants to work with underserved people, I was excited.
  8. I think my preceptor actively disliked me, or was just SO completely disinterested in teaching. I don't know. There were 12 hour night shifts where I sat around and no one talked to me, and she just chatted with her friends all night, and I went to one c-section.
    12 HOURS YOU GUYS
  9. I wanted to get better at catheters, IVs, and vaginal exams on people who had epidurals. This sounds callous but since the epidural rate is much higher in hospital than our clients, and I have to be good at VEs for my job, it seemed like a good time to get good at them.
    I got to attempt 3 IVs. I got ONE. In 120 hours of sitting around the hospital and asking my preceptor every shift of she could ask at triage to have them call me when people needed an IV. EVERY PATIENT PRACTICALLY GOT AN IV.
  10. At least I can catheterize like a boss now.
  11. I tried like, 4 vaginal exams. I had to defer to a male med student who was following an OB resident, who was trying vaginal exams and had NO clue what he was feeling for. He got to tried an amniotomy, even though the resident had to take him aside and explain how to insert the amnihook before he did it.
  12. This kid wanted to go into psych. Being proficient at VEs and amniotomies is a major component of my job.
  13. I heard the nurses very loudly and continuously make fun of a woman who was questioning everything her nurse said she should do, and was asking for her epidural to be turned off. They called her a bitch, and her nurse continually jokingly begged anyone else to go into her room, because she was just "so completely done with that woman".
    There is nothing unreasonable about asking questions about your care, or asking to have an analgesic you consented to discontinued.
  14. My feedback from my preceptor was that I needed to understand that the policies that were in the hospital were more black and white than we midwives are used to.
  15. LITERALLY the only time I told someone that they didn't have to do something was the woman who asked if it was okay that they wait to bathe her baby, because she wanted to do if the first time.
  16. I told her that there was no reason her baby NEEDED to be cleaned up or bathed (she didn't have Hepatitis or HIV), and that it was her baby and she was their mom, and she could ask for whatever she wanted to be done or not done to her baby.
  17. It was a reasonable request. She just wanted to wash her baby at home. Because with her first child, they did it without her even knowing.
  18. I didn't even go INTO the fact that there is evidence that suggests that the microbiome of bacteria on babies hands that they put into their mouths helps colonize their guts, and that that smell of baby newly born helps parents bond (until they start getting really stinky, of course).
  19. But apparently that was too much rebelliousness for my preceptor.
  20. I didn't say anything every single time they broke someone's water super early and started them on syntocin (pitocin/synthetic oxytocin) when they were 2-3 cm dilated, only to give them an amnio-infusion later once baby started having decelerations.
  21. Or when they upped the syntocin on someone who was laboring wonderfully and didn't want an epidural. She later got an epidural because it was so intense, and then after said to me "Maybe next time I can do it naturally", like SHE failed.
  22. When you come into the hospital 2-3 cm dilated you aren't even in active labour yet. It sucks, but the answer is to GO HOME and rest until you are in active labour.
    You start that person on synto and break their water and there are known evidence-based sequelae of that action. We KNOW that induction of labour on an unfavorable cervix has higher c-section rates, or instrumental vaginal deliveries. There is no reason to start someone who isn't in active labour who has had a healthy pregnancy and isn't postdates on synto.
  23. The only other thing I did was actually give an appropriate informed discussion about the meds they give babies after birth (erythromycin eye ointment and vitamin k).
    I explained what the erythromycin was actually for (treating infection in the eyes from chlamydia and gonorrhea) and that the Canadian Pediatric Society put out a statement saying that treating with erythromycin wasn't recommended because screening prenatally is preferred, and IF someone didn't know their status, there are other antibiotics which are more effective.
  24. My discussion didn't change anyone's mind, they still decided to get both meds, but they KNEW what they were getting.
  25. Instead of the discussion one of my classmates heard at the same hospital where a nurse said the ointment was "a medication that prevents blindness". Um yeah. If you told me that I should give my baby this eye stuff or they could go blind I would do it for sure.
  26. Anyways. Once that placement was over, I had two weeks off. One week my boyfriend came back for spring break, and so that was lovely.
  27. During that time I also found out that my ex-partner's girlfriend is pregnant, and so they are having a baby.
  28. Back Story Time: My ex and I were polyamorous, when we ended things it was on good terms even though we had a very intense relationship, and there was stuff (old habits and boundaries) to work through. We decided to keep sharing a house, because we share our dog, and we were some of each other's best friends.
    I left for a placement for a few months, he started a new relationship. When I moved back in she basically was already living there all the time. A month later she officially moved in. So, I then lived with my ex and his girlfriend. It was great actually, we were like a little chosen family, close friends, it has gone great over the past year.
  29. Anyways, now she's pregnant. And I'm happy for them, even though I know it will be tough, and I've done my best to be a good friend and supportive and kind.
  30. There is a small part of it that is odd though, knowing that someone you thought you would have kids with for 6 years is going to have a baby with someone else. It's not hard or anything, and I have absolutely no feelings for my ex anymore. I'm just acknowledging the reality of this situation.
  31. And now I've embarked on two months of moving around for placements. I'm doing my NICU placement right now, and next week will leave for Yellowknife, Northwest Territories for my OB placement, and then I'll spend a month in Fort Smith, NT.
  32. It's a lot of transiency, being alone, new environments, navigating different working relationships. There's been a lot to mull over and let percolate the last month or so.
  33. I'm looking forward to certain aspects. I'm going to record what's going on again, since this is how I process. I'll probably still go hide inside another world and other characters some of the time, but I'm going to try to come back from my period of reclusion and reflection.
  34. I hope you've all been well. I missed this space 💙💜💙