THINGS TO DO AFTER YOU ATTEND A BIRTH
Pretty much the way it goes every single time.
- •Be neurotic about everything that didn't go exactly as perfect as you would have liked
- •Remove this from your windscreen.Seriously?! I was helping bring life into this world!!!! Well, at least they were polite about it, kinda. But seriously, way to harsh my birth high, man.
- •Call your boyfriend on the drive home and talk a lot about perineums and crowning, and being bathed in amniotic fluid and blood
- •Wonder why he still dates you
- •ShowerI'm covered in blood, amniotic fluid, vernix, and poop. This is step number one.
- •Wash clothes on HOTActually, no, this is number one.
- •Have coffeeOr in the case of today, treat yoself to an chai eggnog latte.
- •Get naked and lay in my soft cozy bed for a whileNetflix will happen. I'm thinking of watching Master of One.
- •Maybe doze for a bitI was called to the birth at 4:30 am. I think an hour nap would be safe for my sleep schedule, probably.
- •Get up, finish that paper on pyelonephritisSigh. (That's a kidney infection.)
- •Eat carbs laterBecause I always feel entitled to carbs when I've had a good birth. This may or may not be a good thing. Ooo, and cheese.
- •Go to bed early, having processed, and ready to do it all over again
- •Marvel, while falling asleep, that this is your life. You get to be the first person to touch a new soul, and that is a tremendous responsibility. Be thankful that you're neurotic, because you never want to stop wanting to be better.