THINGS TO DO AFTER YOU ATTEND A BIRTH

Pretty much the way it goes every single time.
  1. Be neurotic about everything that didn't go exactly as perfect as you would have liked
  2. Remove this from your windscreen.
    Seriously?! I was helping bring life into this world!!!! Well, at least they were polite about it, kinda. But seriously, way to harsh my birth high, man.
  3. Call your boyfriend on the drive home and talk a lot about perineums and crowning, and being bathed in amniotic fluid and blood
  4. Wonder why he still dates you
  5. Shower
    I'm covered in blood, amniotic fluid, vernix, and poop. This is step number one.
  6. Wash clothes on HOT
    Actually, no, this is number one.
  7. Have coffee
    Or in the case of today, treat yoself to an chai eggnog latte.
  8. Get naked and lay in my soft cozy bed for a while
    Netflix will happen. I'm thinking of watching Master of One.
  9. Maybe doze for a bit
    I was called to the birth at 4:30 am. I think an hour nap would be safe for my sleep schedule, probably.
  10. Get up, finish that paper on pyelonephritis
    Sigh. (That's a kidney infection.)
  11. Eat carbs later
    Because I always feel entitled to carbs when I've had a good birth. This may or may not be a good thing. Ooo, and cheese.
  12. Go to bed early, having processed, and ready to do it all over again
  13. Marvel, while falling asleep, that this is your life. You get to be the first person to touch a new soul, and that is a tremendous responsibility. Be thankful that you're neurotic, because you never want to stop wanting to be better.